I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
