he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
