Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
