are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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