man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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