OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
