just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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