i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
high people should be assigned attendants
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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