so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
