you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
