when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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