How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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