So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
