Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
