Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
