So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
