Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
