did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
