checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
