Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
