I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
