Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
