am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
this boner is exhausting
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
