She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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