Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
