So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
