Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
