she was so not down for the gang bang
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
