you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
