I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
