I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
