I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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