I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
