I didn't shave. On purpose
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
