Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
