you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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