sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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