Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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