They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
