I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
