My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
