she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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