Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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