It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
