dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
