im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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