Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
