we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
