Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
