apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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