When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
