My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
