I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
