He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
