There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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