Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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