he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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